Tag: personal-growth

Pick One

sweatherred

This post and the whole concept was inspired a Peloton class I recently took. Earth shattering and profound, right ;). But actually, it quite profound was for me. One sentence (two words, to be precise) has been with me since the day I took the class. “Pick One”, he said. I have no idea if this is a mantra of his or something spur of the moment, but it’s brilliant. And it’s the simplest way to stay focused on your true north.

Pick One:

Life is made up of a series of moments and choices. In every moment, we can choose this or that… The workout or the sleep-in, the burger or the salad, the yes or the no, the healthy option or the convenient one. You get the idea. Many times we’re on autopilot, and many times we pick the easy, not necessarily the best option.

And here’s what’s important: with each and every choice, you can pick you. It’s that simple. Pick your health, pick your wellness, pick your mental health. Prioritize how you want to feel, your health, your relationships, your wealth.. whatever it is. Pick You!

If you wake up each day and say “I pick me”, you will start to make choices like exercising when you don’t feel like it, eating healthier meals, stocking your fridge with healthy choices, prioritizing sleep, and so on. You’ll start living in alignment with your values and your priorities. Its probably the simplest way to keep yourself on track. Just pick one!

But I have so many responsibilities, so much I have to do each day, you say. Guess what, my friends, so do I. So does everyone you know. I can’t always prioritize myself, you say. Maybe not, but zoom out. Think big picture. Quit with the excuses. Are those excuses serving you? No? Then stop. Another source of inspiration came from a physician who’s book I’ve read, podcasts I’ve listened to: “You can’t out-excuse me”. Whatever it is you have to give, then you give that. Adapt to what you can do. Find a way.

But I can’t possibly think about every single choice I make all the time. Right. Maybe not. That sounds rather exhausting, but you can improve. You can start to live more consciously. Every bit helps.

But picking me isn’t always good! What about others?! Of course you need to support others, of course you need to show up to work, and of course you need to take care of your life. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… when you focus on self-betterment, it will have an immeasurable impact on the way you show up for others. I promise. Give it a try. There ain’t no shame in the self-love game. In fact, being a martyr, although seemingly noble, gets you nowhere. I know. I’ve tried it. 🙂

But... What if I still want the hamburger, the sleep in, the glass of wine, or the “easy”. Great, if that’s what you want, then do that!! But did you zoom out, did you consider what matters most to you? If in that moment, you want the joy of a great tasting (but perhaps less healthy) meal, do that. Enjoy the heck out of that chocolate. Then you did it by choice, for joy. But if you did it unconsciously, I’d ask you to reconsider.

But… Quit with the excuses. End of story.

So as you move forward into your day, your week, your month, your life. Just keep that simple phrase in mind: Pick one! And when your choices are guided with this type of conscious intention, you’ll watch the magic of your life unfold.

With love,

Sarah

Side take-home point: You never know how your words will impact another, whether intentional or unintentional. This one random person, on an app, had an immense impact on me. Choose your words and actions carefully.

Navigating Disappointment and Heartbreak

sweatherred

All too often, life throws us curveballs.

Letdowns, disappointment, hurt feelings, failed expectations, breakups, “no’s”, and missed opportunities are part of life but can be incredibly challenging to navigate in the moment. It can literally and figuratively feel like nothing goes right, and the gloomy, lonely “winter” will continue forever. (Did I mention it’s winter right now?). It can make you feel worthless, unappreciated, or like what you once thought was true was all a lie. It can get pretty dark or negative pretty fast if you let it.

These feelings and experiences have been in my personal and professional orbit lately, so I thought I’d explore what works and what doesn’t when facing them. For me, at least.

While I’m not talking about true grief and loss here, it is, in a way, reflective of the grief cycle: Disappointment, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Of course, this is not a linear process, but it can be helpful to consider where you fall in the process at any given moment. And guess what. It’s OK, and NORMAL to experience all of these feelings, and even oscillate between them. Give yourself permission, please.

Too often, we’re expected to “put some lipstick on it”, “put your big girl panties on,” and “get over it” without having the opportunity to feel sad, reflect, or consider how a disappointment might, in the long run, lead to an even better path. Disappointment and heartbreak will lessen with time, I promise.

So here’s my take on what works, and what doesn’t. No research this time – except a lifetime of reading, journaling, meditating, and podcast listening:). Oh, and some recent practice.

What to do, in no particular order:

  • Feel the feelings. If we bottle it up, the issues live in the tissues.
  • Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Let it out. It’s ok! Cry if you need to. I mean, don’t resort to violence, but if you need to scream into, or punch a pillow, go for it.
  • Breathe, slow down. Really. When all else fails, tap into your breathing, slow your heart rate.
  • Consider what works for you, or what’s worked in the past. Exercise? Meditation? Journaling? Time with friends? Fresh air? Do that.
  • Give yourself time. Emotions don’t need to be processed in a day.
  • Give yourself grace. Please!
  • When you feel ready, take time to reflect. Some of these questions might be helpful:
    • Is there a side of this story I haven’t considered?
    • Are there areas that I have no control over? If so… let it go.
    • What can I control? Usually, that’s something like my reaction or next steps.
    • This one can be tough, but… Is it possible that this disappointment or this outcome may actually lead me in a better direction? Often, the answer is yes.
  • Was it a really big disappointment, or even a “failure”? Do an after-action report. Its quite similar to reflection, but more formalized. I know it sounds a little much, like “isn’t that for big workplace events or something”? I’ve done it personally, and it can be extremely helpful for identifying what went well, opportunities for improvement, and trends. Some questions to consider:
    • What did I do well in this situation?
    • What would I do again?
    • What can I learn that might be useful in the future?
    • What do I have control over?
    • What went poorly?
    • How can I learn and grow from this experience? This can be huge!
    • What do I NOT have control over, and how can I use that to move on?
    • Do I see any patterns, for good or for bad here? How can they inform my future actions?
    • Write it all down, look back at it, and it can be quite illuminating.
  • Very importantly, when you’re ready, let go, move on. Please.

What not to do, in no particular order:

  • Blame yourself for the outcome. I firmly believe that people do the best they can with what they have at any given time. Be proud of yourself, recognize and own that.
  • Blame others for the outcome. Really. I mean, you can, for a second, be mad, but then let that shit go. Is it making you feel better? If holding that anger and grudge makes you feel worse (it probably does), then let it go.
  • Shame yourself for feeling disappointed or sad. Remember, feel the feelings! It’s ok!
  • Feel embarrassed or less than. Hold your head high. Please, you beautiful human!
  • Hurry or sweep those feelings under the rug. You do you on your own time.
  • Lash out or react without a pause and consideration. Is your reaction to this situation how you want to act? If not, give it a minute, breathe, and send that text or email later. It can and should wait. There is magic in the pause.
  • Catastrophize. It can be easy to go down a worst-case-scenario rabbit hole. Don’t. Bring yourself back to reality. Phone a friend to help with that if you need.
  • Make reactive decisions. This is a big one. Breathe, pause, wait, consider. Make calm and informed decisions. Later. Whatever “later” is for you.

In summary, when you’re in the midst of “winter”, allow yourself to feel, lean into what works for you, take a pause and a breath, and know that spring is right around the corner.

Love to you all as you navigate life’s ups and downs.

-Sarah

It’s Not About WHAT You Do; It’s About HOW You Do It

sweatherred

“Mindful”. “Engaged”. “Intentional.” “You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction”. You can explain this concept in a variety of ways. I’ll explain what’s resonated with me lately.

WHAT IT IS NOT: Fake or sugary. “Have a good attitude”, “Positive Mental Attitude”, “Chin up,” “Look on the Bright Side,” or “Smile”. That all feel like toxic positivity to me.

WHAT IT IS: People who bring joy and are engaged, no matter where they are or what they’re doing. People who are kind, thoughtful, and avoid negativity. The woman at the post office, who, despite the rude, impatient customer, is kind (a real person, in my town, by the way). The man at the store who always asks how you’re doing, says “Have a great day,” and means it! It is not about what they do, it is about how they do it. And you know what? I’d rather interact with any of the aforementioned than any “fancy”, rich, or “important” person. I bet you would too. I’d rather BE any of those people.

Admittedly, that’s not always me. I used to believe that if I set my expectations low, I’d always be happily surprised, never disappointed. I was wrong. Now, I believe that if I set my expectations low, that’s what I’ll get. For example, if I think the workout will be difficult and painful, it will be. If I think my workday will be long and frustrating, it will be. However, if I set my expectations high, more often than not, I will rise to the occasion and have a good experience. Others will rise to the occasion, and we will collectively achieve much more than we thought possible, and in a more enjoyable manner.

What I am talking about is a practiced mindset that can totally change the way you interact with the world and yourself. One thing that is clear to me is that this is easier said than done, and it takes a lot of intentionality.

So, how, practically, can one make this shift? I think it has to do, in part, with deciding in advance. But, you say, life isn’t predictable! How am I supposed to do this? That’s true, but with some effort and repetition, you can not only impact your reaction to what you can control, but to what you can’t.

You can choose your own, of course, but here are some simple, practical examples for when life is predictable.

  1. Before you get out of bed in the morning, envision your day, in some detail, and how it will be great. Yes, really, great!
  2. Before you start your workout, imagine how much fun it will be to sweat and listen to music and feel strong during and afterwards.
  3. Before you enter that crowded, busy store during the holidays, imagine smiling at friends and strangers, and enjoy purchasing gifts or meals for loved ones.
  4. Before you start work, and dreaded or boring tasks, anticipate how you will be efficient, and positively affect change, even to the smallest extent.

Here are some practical examples, when life isn’t so predictable. This involves pausing before reacting.

  1. Get cut off in traffic? Before pulling out that certain finger, take a breath, and imagine, perhaps, that other person didn’t see you or is experiencing an emergency.
  2. Receive a rude email? Before firing off a less-than-ideal response, re-read the email with a new lens. Did something get lost in translation? Respond kindly.
  3. Get disappointed by a friend? Before reacting or even disowning them, consider the alternatives. Perhaps there is another side to the story? Perhaps good intent, poor delivery? Give grace.

You get the idea and can apply this to your own experience in life. I hope it helps bring more joy and positivity, even just a little bit.

With love, Sarah

QUOTES

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” — Dalai Lama“

“Our mindsets can limit us or liberate us.”-Ellen Langer

“Wherever you go, there you are“. -Jon Kabat-Zinn

“I’m not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost”– Winnie the Pooh