“Mindful”. “Engaged”. “Intentional.” “You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction”. You can explain this concept in a variety of ways. I’ll explain what’s resonated with me lately.
WHAT IT IS NOT: Fake or sugary. “Have a good attitude”, “Positive Mental Attitude”, “Chin up,” “Look on the Bright Side,” or “Smile”. That all feel like toxic positivity to me.
WHAT IT IS: People who bring joy and are engaged, no matter where they are or what they’re doing. People who are kind, thoughtful, and avoid negativity. The woman at the post office, who, despite the rude, impatient customer, is kind (a real person, in my town, by the way). The man at the store who always asks how you’re doing, says “Have a great day,” and means it! It is not about what they do, it is about how they do it. And you know what? I’d rather interact with any of the aforementioned than any “fancy”, rich, or “important” person. I bet you would too. I’d rather BE any of those people.
Admittedly, that’s not always me. I used to believe that if I set my expectations low, I’d always be happily surprised, never disappointed. I was wrong. Now, I believe that if I set my expectations low, that’s what I’ll get. For example, if I think the workout will be difficult and painful, it will be. If I think my workday will be long and frustrating, it will be. However, if I set my expectations high, more often than not, I will rise to the occasion and have a good experience. Others will rise to the occasion, and we will collectively achieve much more than we thought possible, and in a more enjoyable manner.
What I am talking about is a practiced mindset that can totally change the way you interact with the world and yourself. One thing that is clear to me is that this is easier said than done, and it takes a lot of intentionality.
So, how, practically, can one make this shift? I think it has to do, in part, with deciding in advance. But, you say, life isn’t predictable! How am I supposed to do this? That’s true, but with some effort and repetition, you can not only impact your reaction to what you can control, but to what you can’t.
You can choose your own, of course, but here are some simple, practical examples for when life is predictable.
- Before you get out of bed in the morning, envision your day, in some detail, and how it will be great. Yes, really, great!
- Before you start your workout, imagine how much fun it will be to sweat and listen to music and feel strong during and afterwards.
- Before you enter that crowded, busy store during the holidays, imagine smiling at friends and strangers, and enjoy purchasing gifts or meals for loved ones.
- Before you start work, and dreaded or boring tasks, anticipate how you will be efficient, and positively affect change, even to the smallest extent.
Here are some practical examples, when life isn’t so predictable. This involves pausing before reacting.
- Get cut off in traffic? Before pulling out that certain finger, take a breath, and imagine, perhaps, that other person didn’t see you or is experiencing an emergency.
- Receive a rude email? Before firing off a less-than-ideal response, re-read the email with a new lens. Did something get lost in translation? Respond kindly.
- Get disappointed by a friend? Before reacting or even disowning them, consider the alternatives. Perhaps there is another side to the story? Perhaps good intent, poor delivery? Give grace.
You get the idea and can apply this to your own experience in life. I hope it helps bring more joy and positivity, even just a little bit.
With love, Sarah
QUOTES
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” — Dalai Lama“
“Our mindsets can limit us or liberate us.”-Ellen Langer
“Wherever you go, there you are“. -Jon Kabat-Zinn
“I’m not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost”– Winnie the Pooh
Trueish Things 